Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The air was thick with penises
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
