YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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