So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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