Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
