I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am spending my child support on dildos
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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