If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
