the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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