Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
