brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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