Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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