Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
