Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
