i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
