Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
