you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
