he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
