everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
