i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
