someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
