She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize