Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
