i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
