A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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