his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
