i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
