they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
