wat bout pragnant strippers??
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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