So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
