This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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