apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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