I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
