And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
