I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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