the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
