I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
