FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
