I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
