Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
