Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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