I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
