I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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