yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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