Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
