I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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