Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
