you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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