my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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