I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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