Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
