And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
