I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
