If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
