I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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