I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
