That's intense
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
