I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize