Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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