did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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