Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
