the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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