I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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