I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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