after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the day after is always just damage control
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
