i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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