wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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