Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
