nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
