after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
