I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
