shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
