Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
