I can text with my tongue
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
