I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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