All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she told me i tasted like america
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
