I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
