So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
