I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
