I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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