moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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