Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
