Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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