there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
