life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
