Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
