I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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