He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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